Category Archives: Funnies

Wordplay Wednesday: New Celebrity Imprint

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Have you heard about the new vanity imprint, “Pipedream Divas: Celebrities Who Think They Can Write.” The three CEOs are Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Word has it that the company will release its first list as soon as all three CEOs are simultaneously out of rehab (no release date can be determined at this point). The company has released the titles of its first three books:

The Runaway Panties by Britney Spears
Goldilocks and the Three DUIs by Paris Hilton
The Power of Getting High and Lucky by Lindsay Lohan

Company officials (that would be Ms. Hilton’s Chihuahua and Ms. Spear’s barber) are asking for possible ideas for future books.

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Wordplay Wednesday: Celebrity Books

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A couple of years ago, I created a fun list of potential celebrity-written books. I did this mainly to vent my frustrations over these often poorly-written, self-absorbed, drivel-ridden wastes of paper that litter bookshelves (save the “indies”). As it turned out, Alexis O’Neill (my SCBWI regional advisor) wanted to print the list in the Spring ’04 issue of KiteTales.

Here are some samples:

A Tinkle in Time: Toilet Training by Dr. Phil.
Charlotte’s World Wide Web by Bill Gates.
Green Hair and a Ham by Dennis Rodman.
The Runaway Money: Explaining the National Deficit by George W. Bush
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, It Better Be Low-Carb by Dr. Robert C. Atkins

You get the idea. Now it’s your turn! Tell me what your favorite potential celebrity-written book would be.

Happy Writing!

WORDPLAY WEDNESDAY: Daffy Definitions

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I have lists of definitions in two of my joke books (PET JOKES THAT WILL MAKE YOU HOWL and GREATEST GOOFIEST JOKES). These are silly, new definitions for traditional words. I thought today’s Wordplay Wednesday would follow that thought.

Here are some examples:
Cattails: What kittens like to hear at bedtime.
Deface: De thing at de front of de head.
Albeit: What a redneck says when he wants a turn at playing tag.

It’s that simple (or should I say simple-minded?). Care to share your own Daffy Definition?

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Wednesday Wordplay: Worst Title for a Children’s Book

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While I’ve enjoy having a blog and sharing my thoughts (okay, ramblings) with the one or two people who read this (one of them likely being my mother), I’ve decided to give myself some structure with it (after all, I am one of those “organized” types).

Inspired by my love of goofiness, I’m deeming every Wednesday to be WORDPLAY WEDNESDAY on my blog. I can’t play an instrument, I can’t play sports, but I CAN play with words. I mean, what else does one do while waiting in line at the P.O. or spending hours waiting at the doctor’s office?

Variations will be many—sometimes a question, a definition, a list, whatever strikes my fancy (after all, it is my blog). I welcome you to join me, as I would suspect that you like playing with words as well.

So—to start things off, here is my first Wednesday Wordplay question: What is the worst title for a children’s book? Here’s one to start: How to Cope When You Are the Reason Your Parents Divorced.

Any wordsmiths out there who’d like to join the fun? What’s your worst title for a children’s book?

Valentine’s Day Silly Poems

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In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to post two poems:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What a cheap way
to break up with you.

Okay, now for real:

Roses are red,
So is my dog,
Enough of this nonsense,
Time to go blog.

I welcome all creative and oh-so-corny poets to join me. And for all poetry lovers, visit Greg Pincus at “Gottabook” every Friday.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day Silly Poems

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In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to post two poems:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What a cheap way
to break up with you.

Okay, now for real:

Roses are red,
So is my dog,
Enough of this nonsense,
Time to go blog.

I welcome all creative and oh-so-corny poets to join me. And for all poetry lovers, visit Greg Pincus at “Gottabook” every Friday.
Happy Valentine’s Day!